


What if?

by shipbreaker



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-17
Updated: 2015-12-17
Packaged: 2018-05-07 06:09:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5446046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipbreaker/pseuds/shipbreaker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This will be a Perks of being a Wallflower style journal of a transgender Steve Rogers. Dedicated to my dear friend Annabelle this story will be written very shortly after Steve has transitioned right through til the Civil War. Each update will be a series of diary entries from Steve's perspective. Regular updates, at least once a fortnight. Please enjoy x</p>
            </blockquote>





	What if?

December 27th 1940  
Dear friend,   
I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand and didn’t try to send that person to the noose for stealing your bread even though you could have. Please don’t try to figure out who I am, and I really don’t want you to do that. I will call people by different names or generic names because I don’t want you to find me. I didn’t enclose a return address for the same reason. I mean nothing bad by this. Honest. I just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and doesn’t try to hurt people even if they could have. I need to know that these people exist. I think you of all people would understand that because I think you of all people are alive and appreciate what that means. At least I hope you do because other people look to you for strength and friendship and it’s that simple. At least that’s what I’ve heard. So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be. I try to think of my family as a reason for me being this way, especially after I accepted my true identity as a male.  
You see yesterday I woke up with my back aching again. Living off your best friends sofa is not all its cracked up to be I promise you. Bucky is one of the kindest souls ive ever meet in my life and the only person who has accepted me for the real me. You see I go by the name Steve but I was born something more similar to Mary. After I transitioned to the person I am meant to be he is the only person who decided to stay in touch with me, heck he even let me stay on his couch after my own parents kicked me out. I love him and appreciate everything he has done for me but Bucky seriously needs to let me use his bed every once in a while. 

January 2nd 1941  
Dear friend,  
I am a man consumed, as a skinny runt of a boy I have gotten (excuse my French) a lot of shit since coming out as a guy. As if the slits in between my legs and minuscule breasts on my chest aren’t enough punishment. All I want in life is to prove my masculinity, if only I could do that then my family will accept me for the man I’ve always been.   
So I decided to join the army, and it sucks. Bucky, my one true friend has only tried to talk me out of this. I was all (paraphrasing here) ‘you don’t understand bud, this isn’t about me’ and he looked at me all ‘oh yeah? Coz you have nothing to prove’ and I’m still mildly pissed and briefly considered drinking my problems away and not coming home tonight but considering I am a perfect gentleman and anyone I went home with would get the shock of their lives, I went home.  
January 13th 1941   
Dear Friend,   
The military rejected me because of my small stature. This fucking sucks, I can’t help it. No matter what I do I can’t bulk up because I was born with a fudging hourglass figure. Also I don’t want to eat all of Bucky’s food because we are fucking broke and this war is honestly bringing more suffering to those of us living in downtown new York.  
It’s all I wanted. Just one chance to prove myself, even little boys of 11 and 12 are joining the army. Why? Its just not fair. I am afraid I am loosing faith in America.


End file.
